March 2018 - ROYALPIZZLE ROYALPIZZLE: March 2018


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Governor Fayose congratulates parents of released Dapchi schoolgirls, accuses FG of conspiracy

Ekiti State Governor, Mr Ayodele Fayose has congratulated parents of the abducted Dapchi Girls that were released today and sympathized with parents of five of the girls that reportedly died, describing the abduction of the girls as an indictment on the federal government and their release as “drama scripted by the government and its agents to swindle Nigerians.”
Fayose, while reacting to the release of the abducted school girls, said; “This appears like an arranged abduction and an arranged release, but we thank God that the innocent girls have returned home and we condole with parents of those that died.”
In a statement issued on Wednesday, by his Special Assistant on Public Communications and New Media, Lere Olayinka, Governor Fayose said it was strange that the girls could be brought back to Dapchi by their abductors without the security agents knowing when they were returned and who returned them.
He said; “Curiously, the same spirit who made sure that all military checkpoints in Dapchi and other surrounding towns were removed to pave way for abduction of the girls also made sure that the girls were returned without any security agent seeing them.
“One can only be hopeful that the real script writers behind this drama will be exposed one day.
“Nigerians should recall that the Governor of Yobe state, Ibrahim Geidam said that military checkpoints were withdrawn from Dapchi and other communities a few days before the abduction of the 110 girls.
This was also corroborated by the Amnesty International in its report that was published in the newspapers yesterday.
“Specifically, Amnesty International said that security forces failed to act on advance warnings that a convoy of Boko Haram fighters was heading to Dapchi town and that between 2:00 pm and 6:00 pm on February 19, 2018, calls were made to tell the security services that the Boko Haram insurgents were in the Dapchi area.
“No doubt, withdrawal of military check-points from Dapchi and other communities, few days before the 110 students were abducted and failure of the security forces to act on advance warnings exposed the conspiracy of the federal government and its agents in the abduction of the school girls and other dastardly acts of the insurgents.
“Interestingly, no one was questioned up till now despite conflicting claims by the army and police as well as the damning report by the Amnesty International hat between 2:00 pm and 6:00 pm on February 19, 2018, calls were made to tell the security services that the Boko Haram insurgents were in the Dapchi area.”
The governor, who reiterated his allegation that Boko Haram insurgency had become source of treasury looting; said; “Those benefitting from Internally Displaced Persons (IDPs) scams, payment of ransom (in dollars) to free those abducted by the Boko Haram insurgents, among others will never wish to see the end of the insurgency.”


NASU, NAAT, SSANU suspend nationwide strike

The non-teaching staff of Nigerian universities have suspended their strike.
The staff, members of three unions, NASU, SSANU, and NAAT, announced the suspension of the three month and 10 days old strike on Wednesday.
Samson Ugwoke, the national chairman of the Joint Action Committee of the three unions announced suspension on Wednesday at a press briefing.
He said members of the three unions have been directed to resume on March 15, 2018.
“We shall not hesitate to resume the strike if government reneges on the agreements reached or delays in any aspects,” he said.
The workers commenced the strike on December 4, 2017.


JAMB: Different ways you can check your UTME 2018 results

Candidates who are trying to check their results for the ongoing 2018 Unified Tertiary Matriculation Examination, can do so with any of the following three information:
a. Your JAMB registration number
b. Your phone number
c. Your email address.
However, before taking the steps below, it is important that you already have a profile registered on JAMB’s website.
1. You need a computer (or a tablet device, smartphone) with an active Internet connection. You should go to the official site, which is
2. All new users should register an account (you’ll have to enter a working email, your real name, phone number, and other information along with a passcode), and all existing users have to log in to their personal account on this website. JAMB website supports only 1 profile per person, so candidates who already have an account (registered in the past) are advised to recover their password via the option ‘Forgot your password?’ in case it is forgotten, because you cannot register a second profile per your name.
3. The main page of your profile shows various details. You can click on each service and get important information right on your screen.
4. Since you need to check JAMB result, choose the option called ‘Check Results’ that can be found in your profile (you can also see it on the main page once the examination achievements are available). For example, here is the direct link to this site’s page for Mock results:
5. You can finally get your exam results. To do this, you need to enter your JAMB registration number (if you forgot it, don’t worry, just enter your phone number or email). This is exactly what you need, so enter this number and you will know how you did this year.
6. When you have the results, you can easily print your slip (but this service is not free, you’ll have to pay in order to print the original ‘clearance’ document) and have your JAMB score right at your hands.


Improved technology may soon allow students write UTME at home

On a radio show, a spokesperson for the Joint Admission Matriculation Board (JAMB) said students may soon be able to write UTME at home.
JAMB’s Head of Media Dr. Fabian Benjamin reportedly revealed the examination body plans to use advanced technology to improve how students write the Unified Tertiary Matriculation Examination (UTME) .
Stating the current challenges faced by more than 1.4 million candidates each year in various CBT centres, Fabian disclosed that JAMB intends to allow students take the UTME from anywhere in the country. This is expected to reduce congestions in CBT centres.
He also said JAMB leverages technology to detect malpractice even after exams. This he claimed is the reason for the delay in results as critical preview is done on the results before release to avoid errors.However, JAMB’s transition from paper based tests (PBT) to computer based test (CBT) has received several criticisms and commendations.  And some of the former may have influenced the intended creation of flexible UTME exam modes.


Exclusive Rib cracker Read the Jokes below to lighten off your mood and turn you up so as to have a sound and healthy night rest.

Here comes another joke from the stable of HORPSYWEALTH ENTERTAINMENT by our very own super MULTI-TALENTED comedian 'HORPSYWEALTH'
Dear ladies don't just breakup with your guy for cheating on you but also gather boys to beat his best friend Up coz he knew what was going on

This one na true talk😅😅😅

I Borrowed #100 Naira from MTN since November last year.....they have been texting me to recharge #100 Naria  and win 5 houses in LEKKI 😂😂😂😂


DAD: When I beat you, how do you control your anger ?
SON: I start cleaning the toilet.
DAD: How does that satisfy you ?
SON: I clean it with your toothbrush.

*When you just have unprotected sex then when you sleep ,you start seeing the plates number of a car like*
*HIV 456 L*
*PREG 890 P*
*DIE 100 GP*
*Born 227 HP*


 *In A Relationship, Every Girl Treats Her Rich Boyfriend As "GOD" But When He's Broke The Alphabet Get Reversed "DOG".*


 Nothing is more painful than using the whole Saturday to wash your boyfriend's clothes only for him to break up with you on Sunday morning. My sister kill him the police will understand👮🏾‍♂

Madam: Osei you didn't greet.
Osei:Oh! madam I  grote.
Madam: Her Osei
Osei: madam I groted.
Madam: Ei! Osei.
Osei: ooh madam I grat.
Madam: Ah! Osei
Osei:Oh! Madam I gro... I gra... I greeting you.
Pls I grote all of you ooooo 👋🏽.

: *Back in the day girls used to love a guy who smells good, But girls of nowadays just love the smell of petrol ,if you don't have a car my brother forget it.*🤣🤣🤣🤣

Have You Ever Called Someone Hoping They WON'T Answer The Phone Just So You Can Say You Called And They Didn't Answer? 😪😪😪😪😪😂😂

 Kids these days don't know what struggle is.
Back in our days, while texting, if we had to
type 'S' we had to press the '7' button 4 times.
That's called struggle

No matter how tired I am, seeing my President on TV always give me d strength to get up and change d channel... 😏😒😖😒

 I can't wait to be a husband So I can tell my wife to prepare me Rice and Stew and when she's done, I will tell her it's rice water i need😃😂😂

 Anytime I'm Bored I Just Go To The Road Side To Stop Taxis And Ask The Driver "How Was Ur Day??" 😂😂😂😂

 The way some people shout when praying
in church ehh, you'll even leave your prayer
point and start praying their own

I asked my mum where she was when Dangote was single.
Mum answered. "the same place you are now while bill gate's Daughter is still single rubbish
I be like, mum dey no dey follow u joke?
She say God save u say na joke!!!

 I am not understanding some girls o.😂
Owerri to Malaysia, true love.💏❤

Owerri to Umuahia, long distance relationship.😏😂

30 Min Post You Got 700 Likes.
3hrs Exam You Got 10 Marks.

Sister Why........
And Yhu think the devil is not dancing One Corner With Ur Destiny Abii .....?


my gf is allowed to communicate wit only 4 guys...Her father, her bro, Jesus nd me. any oda guy is pure fake n nt acceptable 😆🤣😋😎


Auchi Poly expels 18, rusticates 62 students

The Federal Polytechnic , Auchi , Edo, on Friday said it expelled 18 students and rusticated 62 others for various misconducts in the 2016 /2017 academic session .
The Rector of the institution , Dr . Sanusi Jimah , made this known at the 36 th matriculation of the 2017 /2018 students in Auchi .
Jimah said the institution had zero tolerance for social vices and that the management would not hesitate to sanction any student found wanting.
He warned, “ students who present fake credentials to gain admission will not be comfortable here .
“ All the credentials you presented during the registration process will be verified.
“ If the credentials are found to be fake, the penalty is expulsion from the Polytechnic .’’
The rector said 11,173 students comprising 6 ,318 for National Diploma and 4 ,855 for Higher National Diploma courses were admitted into the institution for the current session .
He advised the students to shun cultism , violence , examination malpractice and other vices .
He also urged them to imbibe dialogue , peaceful co - existence, discipline and hard work to excel in their studies.
“ You have come into this institution at a time that management is on a mission for transformation.
“ This transformation agenda is directed at ensuring that corrupt practices are eliminated in the conduct of academic and other transactions in the polytechnic.
“ The management will come down on staff who extort money from students to enhance their examination grades or request gratifications to pass students.
“ Just as we hold staff accountable for proper conduct, so also management will hold students accountable for discipline and full compliance with the rules and regulations operating on campus,’’ he said .
The rector assured the students that staff and management would provide the enabling environment for them to excel .
He said that the institution would continue to promote quality education through the provision of modern teaching and learning facilities.
“ Beginning from this session, the polytechnic is putting finishing touches to the take - off of computer - based examination for all ND 1 and HND 1 students.
“ This will advance the students’ knowledge on the use of electronic means of learning.
“ Computer is of immense benefit in today’s world driven by information technology, and it reduces sharp practices to the barest minimum .’’


Private Turkish plane crashes in Iran

A private Turkish plane flying from the United Arab Emirates to Istanbul crashed Sunday in the south of Iran with 11 people on board , Iranian state television reported.
Other Iranian media said the plane went down in a remote mountain in the snow -capped Zagros range during bad weather.
The plane had left from the emirate of Sharjah and went down near the city of Shahr - e Kord , about 400 kilometres (250 miles) south of Tehran , state television reported.
The aircraft was a Canadian-made Bombardier , according to the Iranian news agency Tasnim .
It had eight passengers and three crew members on board , said Reza Jafarzadeh, head of the Iran Civil Aviation Organisation .
The cause of the crash was not immediately clear .
Tasnim quoted an ICAO official as saying : “ The plane is on fire . After the pilot asked to lower altitude , it disappeared from the radar.”
Turkey ’s NTV channel, quoting the Turkish transport ministry , said the plane belonged to the Istanbul- based Basaran Holding Company which is active in the energy , construction and tourism sectors .
Iranian media reported that rescuers had been dispatched by land to the crash site, which is located in a relatively isolated area Helen ’s Mountain — a protected area in the Zagros range.
Some reports said the plane went down during heavy rain.
The head of Iran’s Red Crescent , Morteza Salimi , told state television that two helicopters would fly to the area on Monday morning “ to search for the plane ’s debris and bodies” — indicating there could be no survivors .
The Zagros range was the scene of another aviation tragedy in February , when an ATR- 72 twin engine passenger plane of Iran’s Aseman Airlines crashed there killing all 66 people on board .
The plane had disappeared from radar after taking off from Tehran on a domestic flight as a snowstorm battered the mountains.
Rescue teams had to battle bad weather for days before they were able to recover the black boxes of that aircraft and had to interrupt their operation several times because of bad weather.
They are still working on bringing the remains of those killed down the valley from the crash site which lies at a height of about 4 ,000 metres (13,000 feet) .


Alcohol consumers, smokers to pay more as FG raises tarrif

President Muhammadu Buhari has approved an amendment to the excise duty rates for alcoholic beverages and tobacco with effect from Monday , June 4 , 2018 the Minister of Finance , Mrs . Kemi Adeosun , has said .
In a statement in Abuja on Sunday, Adeosun said the President also granted a grace period of 90 days to manufacturers of the products before the commencement of the new duty regime.
She said the new excise duty rates would spread over a three - year period from 2018 to 2020 in order to moderate the impact on prices of the products.
The minister said the new duty regime followed all-inclusive stakeholder engagements by the Tariff Technical Committee of the Federal Ministry of Finance with key industry stakeholders .
According to her, the upward review of the excise duty rates for alcoholic beverages and tobacco was to raise the government’s fiscal revenues .
She said that it would also reduce the health hazards associated with tobacco - related diseases and alcohol abuse .
Adeosun said the new duty rate on tobacco was a combination of the existing ad -valorem base rate and specific rate while the ad - valorem rate was replaced with a specific rate for alcoholic beverages .
“ For alcoholic beverages, the current ad -valorem rate will be replaced with specific rates and spread over three years to moderate the impact on prices .
“ This will curb the discretion in the Unit Cost Analysis for determining the ad - valorem rate and prevent revenue leakages.
“ For tobacco , the government will maintain the current ad - valorem rate of 20 per cent and introduce additional specific rates with the implementation to be spread over a three - year period to also reasonably reduce the impact on prices,’’ Adeosun said .
She said that under the newly approved excise duty rates for tobacco in addition to the 20 per cent ad - valorem rate, each stick of cigarette will attract one naira specific rate per stick, that is N20 per pack of 20 sticks in 2018 ,
She said that tobacco would in 2019 attract duties of two naira specific rate per stick, that is N40 per pack of 20 sticks in 2019 and N2 .90 kobo specific rate per stick, that is N58 per pack of 20 sticks in 2020 .
Adeosun explained that Nigeria’s cumulative specific excise duty rate for tobacco was 23.2 per cent of the price of the most sold brand as against 38 .14 per cent in Algeria, 36 .52 per cent in South Africa and 30 per cent in Gambia .
She said also that the new specific excise duty rate for alcoholic beverages cut across beer and stout , wines and spirits for the three years, 2018 to 2020 .
Under the new regime, beer and stout will attract .30k per centilitre in 2018 and 35k per cl each in 2019 and 2020 .
Wines will attract N1 .25 k per Cl in 2018 and N1 .50 k per Cl each in 2019 and 2020 , while N1 .50 k per Cl was approved for spirits in 2018 , N1 .75k per Cl in 2019 and N2 per Cl in 2020 .
Adeosun said that the new excise duty regimes were in line with the Economic Community of West African States directive on the harmonisation of member- states ’ legislation on excise duties .
The ECOWAS Council of Ministers had at its 62 nd and 79th Ordinary Sessions in Abuja in May 2009 and December 2017 , issued directives on the harmonisation of the ECOWAS Member States ’ Legislations on Excise Duties.
The directives seek to harmonise member-states ’ legislations on excise duties of non- oil products and also stipulate the scope of application , rate of taxation, taxable event and amount.


Arsenal stars tell Arsene Wenger to hire Thierry Henry immediately

Arsene Wenger has been told by senior Arsenal players to hire Thierry Henry for the final months of the season, reports say .
Henry has impressed in his role as Belgium assistant coach and Arsenal ’s biggest stars are desperate for some kind of change at the club .
A 2 - 0 away win at AC Milan in the Europa League has helped ease concerns after four defeats in a row for Wenger ’s side .
But, the turmoil is far from over at the Emirates and Wenger ’s players want Henry to come in and freshen up training, reports say .
Henry has coached the likes of Eden Hazard and Kevin De Bruyne in the Belgium set - up and Arsenal’s key players are convinced the former Gunner can help them rediscover their form .
Arsenal must win the Europa League to claim a spot in the Champions League , with the Londoners currently languishing sixth in the Premier League table and 11 points off fourth place .
Henry has already made it clear he would jump at the chance to join Arsenal ’s coaching ranks , but Wenger has resisted his pleas in the past.
Wenger is confident he , and he alone, can turn his side around and it may be a battle to convince the Frenchman to bring Henry in.
However , Josh Kroenke, the son of major shareholder Stan, is a massive fan of Henry and may use his growing influence at the club to hire Henry .
Wenger is set to keep his job until the end of the season, but there is now a serious possibility the 68 - year- old will be forced out of the club in the summer.
Arsenal are on the hunt for a fresh manager, which would end a remarkable 22 - year reign for Wenger at the club .
The Gunners face Watford on Sunday looking for their first win in the league since the start of February .


Biometrics, a must for UTME candidates, says JAMB

The Joint Admissions and Matriculation Board says any candidate that cannot be identified through biometrics will be barred from writing the ongoing Unified Tertiary Matriculation Examination .
The board ’s Head, Media and Information Department , Dr . Fabian Benjamin, disclosed this in an interview with the News Agency of Nigeria on Sunday in Lagos .
Benjamin spoke against the backdrop of some reported cases in some centres where some candidates could not be identified through JAMB’s electronic system .
NAN reports that the 2018 UTME which commenced on Friday, March 9 , in 605 centres nationwide , ends on March 17 .
“ We want to clearly state here that any candidate who cannot be identified using biometrics will not be allowed to sit for this examination .
“ So far , over 450,000 candidates have sat for the examination and we have had reported cases where some of the candidates could not be identified as they placed their fingers on the machines for identification .
“ Candidates sitting for this examination are not to be identified by mere registration numbers or names, but through the machines .
“ We know that at the point of registration for this examination , candidates’ details were captured with live photographs as well as their fingerprints .
“ So , while going for the examination , it is only expected that candidates should be screened and identified using biometrics .
“ This method should be able to call up candidates’ identity and so, there is no way a candidate will just come and mention his name and registration number and be allowed in without going through the right process ,” he told NAN .
Benjamin said the measure was to ensure the eligibility of candidates and reduce cases of impersonation .
According to him, the board ’s personnel are fully on ground to ensure a smooth conduct of the examination and attend to any technical hitch in all the centres .
The JAMB spokesman said : “We also assure the remaining candidates of this ongoing examination that they have nothing to fear as we have ensured that the cables , systems and backups in the various centres are fully operational and hitch- free .
“ So far, we are happy with the way the conduct of the examination has gone nationwide and we are hopeful that it is going to get better while it lasts.
“ We remain committed to ensuring that the future of the Nigerian child is secure and we have put all logistics in place to ensure that this year’s exam turns out one of the best ever conducted in recent times.” (NAN)


At least 16 dead as lightning strikes church

At least 16 people were killed and dozens more injured after lightning struck a Seventh - Day Adventist church in Rwanda , a local official said Sunday.
Fourteen victims were killed on the spot as lightning hit the church in the Nyaruguru district in the Southern Province on Saturday , local mayor Habitegeko Francois told AFP over the phone.
Two others died later from their injuries , he said .
He added that 140 people involved in the incident had been rushed to hospital and district health centres , but that many had already been discharged .
“ Doctors say that only three of them are in critical condition but they are getting better,” he said .
According to the mayor , a similar accident took place on Friday when lightning struck a group of 18 students, killing one of them .


Morning Comedy Digest from our Super Duper Comedian





Odyssey 2


[09/03 9:30pm] HORPSY001‬: skirt is not for all ladies

slims girls will wear it and be looking like cassava sack.

No Matter How Arrogant/Disrespectful u are, u will always Obey Running Stomach✌

It is only in NIGERIA a lady will tell her friend she's #broke and the friend will ask, ''#dont_you_have_a_boyfriend?'"
As if being in a #relationship is an #occupation

You can't like fat girls and hate stretch marks.
My brother, it's same package

I tot av seen it all not until i saw one igbo girl using RED Biro to write
GUCCI on her white pant!
pls.....why are u people like dis?

*"Dating so Many Girls is just a way of Confusing the Devil from Attacking your main Girl......*
*But ladies will never Understand This Strategy"*😂😂😂😂

Can l get an Amen boys

HORPSY: Baby, even though I don't have a well furnished duplex in Victoria Island like Ishowo , 2015 Range Rover Sport like Ishowo, and even if I'm not working in Chevron Oil Company like Ishowo, I love you with all my heart! That's the best thing I can give you.

HENNYWEALTH: (sobs, moves close to HORPSY and whispers in his ear) If you truly love me, introduce me to Ishowo.
😂😂😂😂🤣🤣💯 *Eiii Girls*

"Be careful about a rumor you hear about a lady. It either comes from a man who can't have her or a lady who can't compete with her..!"

"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom. The music says nothing, if the listener is deaf.."

 "A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when closed.."

These days, you cannot even give a guy wrong number
They will be like "wait there, lemme flash you" 😹😹😹😹

The only time an African parent is humble is when you are teaching them hw to operate a smart phone.
You can even send them to get you water😆😜😝😁😝😃😅😂😀😅

*Stupidity is when you think you are the only person dating your girlfriend* 👊


Have a Bless Night










An Exclusive Interview with the Multi Super Talented Fast rising coolest, funniest comedian in UNILORIN

Picture Speaks:

Here is an overview of an interview that ensue between one of ROYALPIZZLE_MEDIA HUB personnel and our Super Multi Talented Rib Cracker, the C.E.O of Horpsywealth Entertainment Today.

ROYALPIZZLE_MEDIA: Good Morning sir, can we meet you sir?
Horpsywealth: Am Ibraheem Abdulazeez OPEYEMI Also Known as HORPSYWEALTH.

ROYALPIZZLE_MEDIA:  From where sir?
Horpsywealth:  Probably Kogi State but Mainly and Majorly from OSUN STATE.

ROYALPIZZLE_MEDIA:  Ok since when have you started this comedy?
Horpsywealth:  Since my primary school days. But worked out for me when I was in Adeyemi College of Education before unilorin now signed the boy.

ROYALPIZZLE_MEDIA:  OK what gives you inspiration or motivations?
Horpsywealth:  Though ,I am into Online jokes and comedy,I have the opportunity to make stage comedy thrice before I concluded on only online jokes. The only inspiration that always come to my mind everyday is how to make my people and family more happy everyday, Since I have been getting positive comments,I think that's enough for me to get the motivation from my people happiness,my joy even whenever I am sad.

ROYALPIZZLE_MEDIA: As a comedian how do you cope between written or collating your comedies and schooling sir?
Horpsywealth:  Hmmmmm, Your last question ehn, E thick😁😁😁😁, Though I make all my jokes whenever all the students are sleeping, Meaning instead of me to sleep at night,I rather wake up and do something to make my people happy, And I do both at night with the things going on around me both music and comedy.

ROYALPIZZLE_MEDIA:   Do you see yourself in the future being a full time comedian sir?
Horpsywealth:  No sir, and probably,if that will be done,it might come as a comedy skit alone though through these jokes and comedy I established my ENTERTAINMENT label "Named:Horpsy ENTERTAINMENT" And for now,we are jus 5 in number
Hennywealth as the BOSS LADY
Luca Green as the Frontier RAPPER
Cema As the Creditable Singer
FeiFei as the Team Manager

ROYALPIZZLE_MEDIA : Thanks for sharing out of your precious, judicious Time and Experience sir?
Horpsywealth:  I am highly grateful to your team for your concern.

Here is what we were able to gather from the most funniest Rib cracker "HORPSYWEALTH" GOOD bless you.  Drop your ccomments in the comments box.